Happy 1st birthday my love! What a year it has been, especially for you. You, at 1, have already been through more than your mommy at 37. You are amazing, strong, beautiful, feisty, and a fighter. Little girl, if you only knew. If you only understood at this point what a miracle you are.
This first year has flown by. It truly has been the fastest year of my life. I know a big part of that is because you spent the first 3 months of your life in the NICU. That was time we didn't get with you at home but I am SO beyond thankful for the NICU. They saved your life.
Looking back at pictures of you from then to now - it is remarkable at how much you have changed. You do not look like the same person. When you were born you were bruised from head to toe. You were very sick, baby girl. That first week your life was touch and go. There were times they did not think you were going to make it. One of the first things said about you in the NICU though was how feisty you were! And that feistiness is what got you through. Don't ever lose that, Eliana.
You went through so much I may not remember or cover it all. When you were born you were 2lbs 8oz. Now, at 1, you are over 17 pounds (your 1 year check up isn't until the 12th). As I said before, you were completely bruised from head to toe. You spent your first couple of weeks on the ventilator and oscillator. Following that you were on c-pap. You had a grade 1 brain bleed (Intraventricular hemorrhage (IVH)). You had pneumothorax which required two chest tubes. At one point, one of the chest tubes stopped working so they had to move it. You received 2 blood transfusions and 1 platelet transfusion during your NICU stay. You were jaundice and placed on/under the phototherapy at different times during your time there. You had a PDA (Patent ductus arteriosus) which thankfully was corrected with a drug that helped close the ductus. You had two NEC scares (one right after we lost your brother). A scare with hirschsprung's disease, which thankfully you did NOT have but did have to go through a rectal biopsy for. An allergy of some type that required me to stop breastfeeding. And last but not least you have a liver mass that we still follow to this day. It requires an ultrasound every 6 months until we see it completely disappear - hopefully sooner than later. I know that Jace gave you all of his strength after he passed away. I know he stayed with you and is still with you every single step of the way. He is your twin brother, that is a bond that I can never understand because I'm not a twin, but I imagine it is unbreakable. I truly believe there is a connection between twins like no other, even with Jace in Heaven, I know you feel him. I know, even at 1, you know a piece of you IS missing BUT that he lives on in your heart and he is your true guardian angel. You will always know Jace, he will always be your other half. I am so sorry that you lost your twin brother, Eliana. I am so so sorry.
Looking at you now you would NEVER know you ARE a preemie! You are a big girl, extremely strong, your feisty spirit is still there and you are beautiful! You are doing SO great with physical and occupational therapy. I think at times they wonder why they are still following you because you're doing so good:) You're crawling amazingly fast, pulling yourself up, still working on getting some teeth and you smile all the time! When you wake up in your crib you normally don't cry, you instead play around, make noises, and patiently wait for mommy or daddy to come get you. You are amazingly easy going for all you have been through.
I love you so very much, Eliana Jade. You have taught me so much about life, perseverance, strength, endurance. You WILL move mountains one day.
Happy Birthday my beautiful girl!
And though she be but little,
she is fierce.
Love forever,
Mommy
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