It has been 9 months today since our Jace passed away.
I was talking to my sister this evening about how it feels like it was just yesterday that Jace passed away yet at the same time it also feels like it was a century ago. We were also talking about how we remember every single thing about that day. I can truly close my eyes and be right back there at the hospital when Jace started getting really sick and remember everything after. Every single detail.
I want Jace back. I would relive that day over and over again, even though saying goodbye was the hardest day of my life, just to be able to hold him again.
I have always had a love for the nursery rhyme "You Are My Sunshine". Of course, I only knew the first verse of the song:
***You are my sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.***
and more recently heard the second. I always sing this song to my girls and I sang it to Tey when he was a baby too. Now, knowing the second verse, I think of Jace.
The other night, dear,
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried.
October was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I never knew this. And most people probably don't know this unless they themselves or someone close to them has lost a baby. October 15th is the actual day: "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day". I was in NC visiting my sister on this day, by myself, with NO kids! Of course, Lisa, who is always aware and sensitive to what I am feeling (whether I say it or not) made sure we made it a special day for Jace. She made some candles with Jace's name and date of birth and death. We bought tea lights and made a big heart with a J in the middle and she purchased balloons (blue and pink which represent the month) for us all to write a message to Jace. Lisa, Chris, Bella, Jolie and I all wrote our letter to Jace and released the balloons to him that evening. We also sent text messages to friends asking them to light a candle for Jace and the pictures we received back were indescribable. Incredible. It was truly special and I hope Jace felt that. I've included some pictures and a video I put together for this day.
I don't have the words to say how much it means to me that so many people lit a candle for Jace. It touched my heart and soul in a way that I can't describe.
http://youtu.be/w4YVuQr_njs
No comments:
Post a Comment