Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.  Actually, it is my favorite.  I love being able to gather with those I love and watch the kids have fun, talk, laugh and truly be thankful.

This year is going to be different.  It already feels different.  It was supposed to be our first Thanksgiving with the twins.  I could imagine dressing them up, different but the same.  However, this will be our first Thanksgiving with Eliana and our first WITHOUT Jace.  We will never have a Thanksgiving with him.  So, it is hard for me to be truly thankful.  I mean, I'm thankful for what I do have but it isn't fair that I don't have Jace here with me.  It isn't fair.  It's not fair to Jace, or me, or his twin, his other sister, his brother, his daddy.  It. Isn't. Fair.

I am grateful about many things and feel guilty for saying that I am not completely thankful but I'd be lying if I said I felt complete.  I will never feel complete.  Holidays are always going to be hard.  Something is always going to be missing.  HOW can I be truly thankful when my son was taken from me?  Holidays will never be the same. No day will ever be the same.

So, on this Thanksgiving I will light a candle for Jace and place his picture next to it to have him there with us.  I'll let the candle burn all day and each time I look at it I will know he is here with us in spirit.  He will know that he will never be forgotten, he will always be included in every holiday, birthday, every day.